Coverage of Beach Sloth’s Coverage of My Coverage of Beach Sloth’s Coverage of My Coverage of Beach Sloth’s Coverage of My Coverage of Beach Sloth’s Coverage of My Coverage of Beach Sloth’s Coverage of My Coverage of Beach Sloth’s Coverage of My Coverage of Beach Sloth’s Coverage of My Coverage of Beach Sloth’s Coverage of ‘2AM Interview: Buttercup and LK’
This title is truly getting out of hand. I haven’t let Beach Sloth in on the fact that this massive title is part of one of my ever-evolving world domination plans.
Here’s the Sparknotes version:
1. Continue the endless cycle of coverage
2. Allow the title to grow uninhibited
3. Beach Sloth/Murdoch LaMarche crossover meta-coverage takes up more internet space than all the porn
4. Everyone’s mind is assaulted with the ubiquitous meta-blogs
5. Mind control via subliminal messages
6. [The magic happens]
7. World ‘Mutherfuckin’ Domination by Murdoch ‘Motherfuckin’ LaMarche
The thought of a faceless supervillain with a beautifully fun name might worry some people out there. Stop that. I’ve got your back. And I mean it. Not like that pansy Barack. I’m more sincere that Matt&Rob and I can out-party both of them with both kidneys tied behind my back. Will my forthcoming worldwide empire be a nonstop totalitarian party? I know, you see ‘totalitarian’ and immediately think ‘1984’. Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s ‘Relax’ was released in 1984. Was Orwell predicting my rise as the supreme party overlord? Yes. Yes he was. Get ready world. I’m turning earth into one monstrous 80’s synthpop music video. Maybe that isn’t enough for you to support my ambitions. Maybe you want some details you can really sink your teeth into. Beach Sloth gets a constant supply of [working] computers. Beach Sloth is my minister of propaganda. NASA is repurposed to do one thing: send rockets carrying dead computers to the Horsehead Nebula where they can ride wild space horses until the end of time.
Beans. Maggie Lee has a blood vendetta against beans. It’s a well known fact that refried beans are the Ed Hardy-wearing, bottle service-ordering, private jet-instagramming, trust fund-squandering assholes of the legume world. I support Maggie’s bloodlust. [and poetry] In response to Beach Sloth’s suspicion that I could have been there: Beachy, I’m everywhere. People reading this right now, the blog is coming from INSIDE YOUR HOUSE. But it’s cool. I’ll just chill in your crawlspace/attic eating peanut butter. I officially endorse peanut butter. [Peanuts are the hardworking, blue collar backbone of the legume world]
LK&SMM were [are?] in New York recently [now?]. I wasn’t. That was very disappointing. I love those crazy kids. Stephen even offered to hand deliver a copy of ‘Treees’ to me. Lucy looks like a Canadian remix of one of my IRL friends. Those 2 statements alone are reason enough for everyone to read every word they’ve ever written and to be their friends. IRL people don’t get remixed enough, and books damn sure don’t get hand delivered by their authors enough. Diane, new genre idea: deep house remixes of IRL people.
Baltimore is a hotspot. Baltimore doesn’t get enough respect. I feel like rebranding as BAlt.Litimore would help its street cred. Stephen/Buttercup is a master of rebranding and a Baltimore golden child. I met John Waters in a coffee shop once. Feel like if Waters&McDowell got together they could get Baltimore the respect it deserves. S&M&M, go hang out in a coffee shop [I don’t remember which it was, but it was in Baltimore.] until you see the true King of Trash. Beach Sloth is right. Baltimore is the kitsch central command center. Dan Deacon is from Baltimore. Music doesn’t get much kitschier [or fun] than DD. [Also, I met Dan Deacon at a skate park once, and he somehow looks even creepier when you’re face-to-face.] I seem to have a talent for meeting unearthly semi-celebrities. If you ever see me in person, I’ll just have to assume that you’re some weird internet star.
Cosmic Parade: Touching you ways you wouldn’t expect, but really seem to like.
And the MEAT CONFETTI situation is getting critical. Submit your critical pieces to us.
