Coverage of Beach Sloth’s Coverage of “2AM Interview: Buttercup and LK”
Beach Sloth [here] [here] [here] [here] is unbelievably prolific. His output is impressive by human standards, but it’s especially impressive considering he’s a sloth. Sloths are notoriously slow, but Beach Sloth bucks that stereotype with fervency. If it’s an important happening within the alt lit world, the Sloth will be there with coverage of it. But, unfortunately, poor Beach Sloth is so busy covering everyone else, he does not get much of that coverage for himself. Sloths are notorious for their lack of self-indulgent coverage.
Recently, Beach Sloth covered an interview of Buttercup McGillicuddy by LK Shaw (which also turns into an interview of LK Shaw by Buttercup McGillicuddy.)This interview is a bit of a beast. Beach Sloth begins his coverage referencing summer being the ideal time for harvesting the delicious interview fruits. Like all good things related to alt lit, this takes place URL. Beach Sloth is an avid advocate of the G chat interview, even going so far as to imply that any roof that has ever been raised was a direct result of G chat. Every dance in the 90s was at some point influenced by the time spanning power of G chat.
Buttercup and LK are adored by Beachy. He’s only met Buttercup once IRL, but that was enough to leave a lasting impression on his sloth heart. He hopes to meet LK, and expand upon his limited knowledge of her. He may not know much about her, but he does know the most important piece of information about anyone from another place in the world. Novelty accents. LK Shaw was put on earth to ‘class up’ the alt lit game with her English accent.
Chili is a very important subject in this interview/coverage. Most chili of unknown origin is more than likely an escapee from Satan’s kitchen. Satan has enriched his chili with the powers to skip out on subway fare and stop the hearts of lesser men, but Buttercup is resilient. He pushes through the devil’s attacks and carries on the interview. Beach Sloth is very worried about the current war on humanity waged by chili. But with Buttercup leading the resistance humanity will soldier on.
Futons are the mark of any true artist. Rumor has it that even I sleep on a futon from time to time. Veganism is discussed, but not in the typical condescending fashion. LK is too classy for that. Buttercup needs dairy products. Without them he’d just be a cup, and there would be no opportunity for the inebriated to sing “Build Me Up Buttercup” to him. “Build Me Up Cup” just doesn’t have the same razzamatazz. Beach Sloth fishes, but unlike [Butter]Cup, he only fishes for compliments. I think you’ve hooked one Beachy, you’re a solitary diamond in a field of broken Miller High Life bottles.
The movie-making skills of Buttercup enthrall Beach Sloth. He even had a cameo in “Dead Midgets” as “random shirtless dude #18”. Of all the random shirtless dudes, Beach Sloth really brought the qualities of being “random” “shirtless” and a “dude” to life. When award season for double-digit cameos by alt lit sloth writers comes around, be sure to look out for Beachy. If he gets stiffed this year I’m staging a boycott of all future Double Digie ceremonies.
The coverage turns to the slightly macabre as Beach Sloth wonders about the post-life life of his URL presence. He thinks his online presence is his best quality. Having never met him IRL, I am forced to assume that this is true. If his children are unwilling or unable to maintain his presence in his post-life future, I would be more than happy to pick up the sloth torch. Beach Sloth has mentioned in the past his disdain for his children’s online presence and their affinity for tagging every tweet #kidzbop. I am wholeheartedly ambivalent about a #kidzbop saturated post-life Beach Sloth. But my offer still stands to pick up the mantle of the sloth.
The coverage stands in stark contrast to the unedited feel of the original interview. It is potentially life-changing. And if your life is so flippant that coverage of a G Chat interview between two alt lit minds by an alt lit sloth changes it, let’s be friends. I may be a supervillain, but I’m also a superfriend.
So, for you, sitting at the laptop, wondering what direction your life could possibly go in after reading the Buttercup/LK interview, allow me to suggest the extravagant afterparty that is Beach Sloth’s coverage.
(Note: Murdoch LaMarche is in no way affiliated with the superhero clique known as The Superfriends)